Finding Beetletrunk

Seriously though...I do not understand people. As I've mentioned before, the locker room is not the most comfortable of places for everyone. However, for others, I think in their minds, they are all alone in their bathroom or their bottomless solarium. Well, this morning, a fella was getting ready for his work out, but appeared to have gotten distracted mid-way through changing into his work out clothes. I'm guessing this is the case, because he was walking around the locker room (in no big hurry I might add) wearing only his pull over hoodie sweater and headphones. No pants, no undergarmets, no shoes or socks (God, that would have been creepier). It appears that somewhere in between uncovering his genitals and re-covering them back up a super important text message came in. So important that he had to stop getting dressed, cast all modesty and decency to the side, and stroll around the locker room listening to the music, and texting. Free as a bird. Exposed for all to see. Seriously though, who has the ...uh...balls... to do that? It's not like he had anything to brag about. This day is ruined as far as I'm concerned. This is the worse thing to happen in the locker room since this other guy got excited that the song "Mambo #5" came on in one day. Really?!?! Mambo #5?? Someone actually likes that song? Well, I want to write a song and I'll call it Mambo #6 and it's all about shit you aren't supposed to do in the locker room, set to a nice latin beat.
"A little bit of modesty's all you need
Your stupid junk's not what I want to see
There must be something wrong in your brain
Lou Bega's voice causes me great pain"