Finding Beetletrunk

Lolcats are really a pretty low form of entertainment...but they are entertaining. This one while not a cat, seriously made me "lol".

Oh, I also like how spell check thinks that the word should be "polecats". pfft it also thinks "spell check" should be two separate words. get real spellcheck.

My two year old son has a serious psychological condition. If you were to look up his symptoms in the DSM-IV you would find it matches up with a fairly recent diagnosis: Balloon Anxiety. We don't know a lot about Balloon Anxiety, but what we do know is upsetting to us as parents. I'm not sure when we first noticed the onset of the disorder. It may have been at or around the time of his first birthday, all we know though is that his obsession for balloons may be adversely affecting a care-free lifestyle enjoyed by most 2 year olds.

The problem with Balloon Anxiety is the prevalence of a number of balloon related conditions so distressing that those afflicted are thrusted into episodes of mindless panic. The following are these conditions along with the associated reactions:

1. Balloon cannot be tied to anything; Result: Crying.
If he finds the balloon tied to a chair or toy, anything that hampers the freedom of the balloon, he gets very upset and insists the immediate freeing of the balloon. He's like the Abraham Lincoln of inflatables. His insistent scream of "uh oh bee-oon!!" is relentless until he has in his possession the free floating balloon.

2. Balloon cannot have it's original string length extended; Result: Crying.
Occasionally we will get a balloon that has a too short leash. This is determined if he is unable to reach it after letting it go in the house or restaurant. What I will attempt to do is get another length of thread or ribbon and make it so that he is able to retrieve the object on his own, without the constant intervention of an adult. This may be related to #1, in that anything tied to the balloon is unnatural. This is a very frustrating aspect to the disorder as the end result is usually him letting go of the balloon over and over again and getting upset that he cannot reach it. So to summarize...he gets upset if i tie extra ribbon so that he can reach it, and he gets upset if he cannot reach it. It's a lose-lose situation. For both of us.

3. Balloon flys away; Result: Crying.
This is the second most traumatic occurrence to those afflicted with balloon anxiety. The loss of a balloon, usually due to the demanded freeing of said balloon, is very difficult to deal with. I would imagine the guilt and grief would war with the already conflicted notions of proper balloon management. I really don't know though, I don't have it. I'm just speculating. Whatever.

4. Balloon pops; Result: Inconsolable Crying.
This shouldn't be a big shocker. More so than #3 the popping of a balloon is probably the most troubling event to the "Balloon Anxious". I would imagine that a perpetual state of worry that a popping will occur is overwhelming. The sound of the pop probably wakes him up at night in a cold sweat. How horrible. Me? I love popping the bastards. Once he is in bed, a lot of times I'll round up all of the old partially deflated balloons from a party and coldly dispatch them all one by one with razor like efficiency with a steak knife before depositing the latex corpses in the garbage. I am not sure what would happen if he ever walked in on that nightmarish scene. Probably divorce me like Macaulay Culkin did with his parents.

Outside of these things, life is pretty good. He is mostly content with toting around his balloon of choice (he prefers red), the occasional scrap with his sister is the only hiccup, and of course when we forbid him to take the balloon to bed with him. I'm not eager to have it pop during the night or have him get wrapped up in the ribbon. These, though are the challenges that the "Balloon Anxious" face daily. I for one am glad I don't have it. I certainly hope that a medication is forthcoming.

Interesting aside: I spelled the word "balloon" wrong almost every time while writing this. Would anyone have known what a "ballon" is? I'm kinda illiterate. That's my disorder.

Like the Rick Astley offering, I have yet another message for you, plucked from the cornucopia of awesome known as the internet. This however is a different message. Journey with me as we hear the tale of a man in desperate need. A man just trying to feed his family and survive in the American South. No this is not a tale for the feint of heart, for it is a tale of confusion, frustration, hunger. This is a tale of....sausage.

Simply Heart Wrenching

LANGUAGE WARNING: I guess for all you little geekeroids out there I should warn you, things get a bit heated at the end. It's warranted though.

I admit that a rick roll is weak, shameless, and frankly a little past it's prime, but for me at least, the music of Rick Astley takes me back to a golden time in my life. For me it isnt so much about "getting someone" or tricking someone into listening to a "lame" song. It's about spreading beauty. I guess I didn't have to modify the embedded code so it automatically started playing, but sometimes people are so ill that they cannot take their own medicine, and you have to force it down their throats.