Finding Beetletrunk

In lieu of an actual blog, I will let the music do the talking (erm...blogging)



Thanks to a coworker for reminding me of the beauty of the 80's

Those who know me would most likely agree that I'm at times ornery. I like to think my no-nonsense attitude combined with my constant need for efficiency gives me an uptight appearance, but I generally think that I am pretty easy going. But something happened over the weekend that makes me wonder if I haven't indeed taken a step towards cantankerosity.

I was in our living room changing my son's diaper (for like the 74th time that day) when out of the corner of my eye I notice a couple of teen interlopers strolling through my yard. My yard backs up to a large park area and I have a gate to this area, as well as a gate to the front of the property where the urchins could get out to the sidewalk, to no doubt find their stashed scooters and bubblegum. To take full advantage of this perceived vulnerability to my property, all they would need to do is open my front gate, walk past my house, open my back gate, and then they are essentially free to perform whatever planned mischief they had slated for that afternoon.

Anyways, as I noticed the puberty afflicted gate-crashers I was overcome with a sense of righteous anger, and charged to the front door (after securing the diaper on the toddler of course) in an attempt to catch them red-footed. I reached the door, threw it open and yelled "Hey! Do not walk through this yard again!" To which they both wheeled around backpedaling, replied "sorry", then turn and ran down the street. I think when you get to a point in your life when you are able to make kids run away in fear you've rounded that corner to old-mandom. Which is fine. I don't expect to find myself muttering angrily (any more than usual) but I may need to take stock of my tendency towards surliness, and how it could possibly worsen as I age.


I'm not worried. I will eventually make peace with the fact that I will most likely be disagreeable codger someday, but right now I will bask in the light of my small victory. I made kids run. I made kids run with words. Well, it was either the words or the dirty diaper I still had in my hand.

Boohbah is a show that finds infrequent air-time in our house. It's not that the kids don't like it, which they do, but it's always on at weird times. But I have to give the show credit, it's certainly left an impact. I'm not going to get into the mechanics or formula of the show, but it's basically like Teletubbies, but way more confusing. The Boohbahs are a non-human form of life, seemingly in possession of strange abilities (flight, weird noises, perfectly choreographed dancing) They do not speak, out side of the weird gurgles and grunts and squeaks. I suppose it's not that they do not speak, it's just that we cannot understand them. Probably for the best. They travel around in a glowing sphere and sleep in a slightly organic looking pod system. I like their names, all ending with the mandatory "bah"


However the purpose of this blog is to not sing the praises of Boohbah (i'll do that later) but to relay an interesting insight once again, gained from my daughter.

I like to ask my daughter things like "what's your favorite Boohbah" or "what Boohbah are you?" You know, standard, perfectly reasonable questions. However, what is disconcerting is her answer. She invariably replies "green". Thats cool, but then I start thinking..."waidaminnut. There is no green Boohbah". *cue terrified scream*



So I got to thinking, who is the green Boohbah? Was he part of the original group? It is a bit strange that there is an odd number of Boohbahs. Even the Teletubbies have symmetry. What did he do to deserve expulsion? Did he lose a step in the choreography? Did he reach too far into their arcane arts and somehow become twisted by the power? I believe the latter. I truly think the Green Boohbah is the fallen Boohbah. And I'll be honest, I'm worried. I'm worried about my daughter's fascination with him. I'm sure the lure of the promise of power is difficult for anyone to resist much less a three year old. I do not know the Green Boohbah's weakness so I do not know how to combat it. Hopefully by studying the ancient tomes of Boohbania I can find some solution before he is freed from a presumably hellish prison.

Over the last three months I have been working out, pretty regularly. The building has a great facility with lots of new equipment and even a towel service! But unfortunately it also has.... a locker room.

I think it's pretty safe to say that most people do not want to be seen naked. In fact, I would imagine that most well-adjusted people will go out of their way to be modest. I'm no different. I take the extra effort to protect my privacy but it's really not the end of the world if someone sees me naked. No, but it's pretty much the end of the world if I see anyone else naked. I can't handle it. I don't know why. Of course this condition extends only to the male half of our species. Because, honestly who has a problem with a naked woman?

When I'm in the locker room, it's eyes straight forward at head level. If i'm looking down to tie a shoe, I am locked in on the laces like a freaking fighter pilot. I'm cannot be distracted. I might as well be wearing those horse blinder things. I'm not going to even bother looking up what those horse blinder things are even called, I'm that serious. I'm beginning to think it's like some sort of game. I haven't lost yet, but there have been some close calls. Such as...

The guy who decides to get completely undressed then go get a towel to wrap up.
or
The guy who starts his shower then conveniently forgets something and has to walk back to his locker sans towel to retrieve whatever it was. (this is made worse when he has a bottom locker)
or
The guy who is drying off in front of the mirror and decides he needs to stand there for an extended period of time. (due to the presence of the mirror, this doubles the risk)
or (my favorite)
The random old guy, who simply does not care anymore. I guess that is one of the luxuries of age though and cannot fault him like the others.

I'm doubt that there are deep seated reasons why this is such an issue to me, i'm just generally grossed out by other people. It's also disturbing to see the prevalence of "whitey-tighties" I figured they had long been obsolete.

Ok, I've about reached my limit on this topic. It's taken alot of strength to maintain enough class not to use the word "junk".

What's a Beetletrunk you ask? You don't know? Shit, I was hoping you could tell me. The Beetletrunk is a creature/concept that my 3 year old daughter unveiled to us several months ago. What exactly it is, she could not explain, however the Beetletrunk has been the focus of both fear and pity to her. At times she is afraid of it lurking in the bathroom, sometimes she want's to bring it food to make it happy, and sometimes she wants to hurt it.

What we DO know about the Beetletrunk is that it has:

Blue skin
Blue hair
Crawls on 4 legs (sometimes)

Other than that, it's intentions, desires, and designs remain a mystery. I guess i picture it as a more feral, less reasonable version of cookie monster that is only occasionally bi-pedal.