Finding Beetletrunk

Yesterday was a pretty busy day. While recovering from a sinus/cold issue, and spending time with my family, I barely had a minute to myself. Why was I so busy you ask? Because my doorbell was ringing off the hook, thats why. Why was my doorbell ringing off the hook (is it on a hook?)? Because the Jehovah's Witnesses were out in full effect.


Now, "Witnesses" , usually stop by every so often with their challenging questions designed to either pique curiosity or annoyance. For me though, it's neither. I generally enjoy their visits, I consider myself versed enough in general religious philosophy to know what they are driving at. I also have an endless supply of reason and wit at my disposal for when religious theories fail (never happens right?). Don't get me wrong, I do not enjoy them so much to invite them into my home, and I do make an effort to maintain a visage of mild irritation as I politely field or reflect their questions as appropriate. But it's usually a fun distraction to watching episode after episode of Dora the Explorer, who by the way is a super cool explorer.

I don't pretend to understand all of the their beliefs, I would imagine they are mostly Christian like alot of people, except with some different rules. If I'm correct, and if my cursory glance at wikipedia was enough for me to remember, then only a certain amount of Witnesses get to go to heaven to "co-rule" with Jesus. The number is around 144,000. I believe demographic info put their total number of believers at around 7 million. Hmmmm, awkward. Who gets to go? Only the best 144k? If i were the one of the other 6.whatever million I would go join a different sect of Christianty, just to make sure I get to go too. That's how it works right? There was also something about not being able to take blood transfusions, but i don't remember what that is all about. I don't have a problem with any of their beliefs. We all believe different and sometimes crazy things (it's called faith, right?). My problem lay more with their methods.

Door to door has been a well used form of sales for a long time. Insurance, vacuums, encyclopedias, God... it's all been done. Unless you have a "No Solicitors" sign up, I think you can expect to get an occasional doorbell push. The issue with yesterday was that the two groups independent of each other employed a tactic that I found unethical - children. The first attempt came during late morning in the form of a man and his terrifed 8 year oldish son. After answering the door and awkward introductions, he prompted the illegally employed minor to give his spiel and hand me their pamphlet about how they "commemorate the death of Jesus" which must be completely different from Easter in some way. Waiddaminud, I think they can't really celebrate holidays...bummer. I just felt so bad for the kid. He was obviously intimidated (see last blog) and Jehovah knows what kind of reception he had been getting that morning from the rest of their "cold calls". I was very polite and thanked them very much. Gratefully, they didn't push the issue and that was that. But, I left kinda irritated that this guy is dragging his kid around as a shield basically to get their pamphlets into peoples homes. I don't want to use the word Pimping (because we all know pimping ain't easy) but thats how it felt. No one is gonna be mean to a kid in a suit on a Sunday, who is obviously sheltered and hasn't come with in 15 feet of a playstation. Heck, I wanted to bring him in and introduce him to the sinful delights of Guitar Hero.



The second group really upped the ante. These folks arrived at around 3pm, and not only did the guy have a terrifed boy in a suit, he brought an extra layer of armor...the overly make-upped (made-up?) old lady. Man, what a 1-2 punch that was. So the gentleman (ringleader) introduced his son and his mother, and stated that they were visiting because he was informed that the residents of my house had been spoken to previously and were interested. I told him that was simply not the case. Apparently his information pre-dated my purchase in August, so the info he was working on was old. Wow, what a slow turn-around. I would think that their membership campaign committees would encourage them to reach out quicker if someone even showed a modicum of interest. Nah, I guess they'll get to it when they get to it. I mean, really what are the odds that I am one of the 144k?

After that the usual, "tell him about us Son..." where I politely listen to the mumbled spiel, I re-affirm that we arent interested. At this point I am then subjected to the old lady's interrogation, which I feel I weathered nicely. This kid looked even more sheltered than the last. He probably would have screamed if my son was holding the giant Elmo doll that we have...for some reason.After this, they politely left and I was left alone for the rest of the day. I don't know when they will be back, I just know that they will be back. We'll be ready for them though. Me, Elmo, and Dora, rocking out to Guitar Hero, crunching the numbers on how we can sneak our way in to the 144k. In fact our new band is called The 144k. Yes, in fact Elmo is on drums.